What If Your Inability to Pick a Cereal Brand Is Secretly a Cry for Meaning in a Chaotic World?
The modern world offers us an unprecedented level of choice. From streaming services to dating apps, meal kits to vacation destinations, we are constantly faced with endless options—and, increasingly, the fear of making the wrong choice. The term FOBO (Fear of Better Options), coined by Patrick McGinnis and recently explored in a HuffPost article, describes this very modern struggle: the paralyzing indecision that arises when we are afraid to commit to one option because we might be missing out on something better. This week's article discussion focuses on how FOBO has become a defining challenge in modern decision-making and what it reveals about our deeper struggles with identity and purpose.
But what if FOBO isn’t just about indecision? What if it reflects something deeper—an existential anxiety about freedom, identity, and meaning in an on-demand society? Beneath the surface, FOBO may not just be about choosing between two job offers or deciding which restaurant to eat at; it may be a manifestation of the existential dread of defining ourselves through our choices.
The Existential Roots of FOBO
In existential psychology, thinkers like Viktor Frankl, Rollo May, and Jean-Paul Sartre have long discussed the relationship between freedom and anxiety. Sartre famously argued that we are condemned to be free—burdened with the responsibility of shaping our own existence. Freedom is exhilarating, but it is also terrifying. Every choice we make affirms one version of ourselves while closing the door on infinite others. FOBO, then, is not just about indecisiveness—it is about the weight of self-definition in a world overflowing with possibilities.
FOBO as the Fear of Identity Commitment
FOBO can be viewed as an expression of identity paralysis. When someone hesitates to commit to a job, a relationship, or even a streaming show, it may not be because they are shallow or overly picky. Instead, it might reflect a fear of limiting who they are. If you choose to be an engineer, does that mean you are closing the door on being an artist? If you commit to one romantic partner, does that mean you are rejecting infinite alternative futures?
This struggle is particularly pronounced in an era of digital choice overload. Streaming services offer thousands of TV shows, dating apps provide a seemingly endless array of romantic prospects, and job boards make it easy to wonder if your perfect career is just one more application away. The result is a persistent anxiety that whatever we choose is inherently suboptimal—and, worse, that our choices might define us in ways we’re not ready to accept.
How FOBO Reflects the Void of Meaning in an On-Demand Society
One of existential psychology’s core concerns is the void—the sense of emptiness that arises when traditional structures of meaning such as religion, community, or long-term commitments lose their hold. In a hyper-consumerist, hyper-connected world, where every product, job, and relationship is available at our fingertips, FOBO becomes a symptom of a deeper crisis: the difficulty of creating meaning in a society that constantly tells us we can and should have it all.
The Burden of Limitless Potential
Modern technology gives us limitless access to choices, but it doesn’t give us guidance on how to make them meaningful. Existentialists argue that true fulfillment comes not from having endless options, but from consciously committing to something despite uncertainty. As Viktor Frankl suggested in Man’s Search for Meaning, the key to a fulfilling life is not freedom from constraints but the responsibility of choosing meaningfully.
FOBO, in this light, is not just a decision-making issue—it is an existential dilemma. When clients struggle with FOBO, they may actually be grappling with:
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A fear of regret—worrying that making a choice means losing out on a better future.
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Anxiety over defining oneself—concern that committing to one option permanently limits their identity.
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A struggle with responsibility—the realization that every choice carries consequences and meaning.
How Counselling Can Help Clients Break Free from FOBO
Counselling, particularly through an existential therapy approach, can provide clients with tools to confront the deeper anxieties underlying FOBO. Instead of merely helping clients make decisions, therapists can help them understand what their fear of commitment says about their relationship to meaning, identity, and responsibility.
1. Guided Reflection on Values
One way to navigate FOBO is through values clarification. When clients focus on what truly matters to them—not just what seems like the best option—they can make choices that are aligned with their deeper sense of purpose. For instance, if someone is torn between two job offers, therapy can help them identify what they actually seek in a career, beyond salary or prestige.
2. Practicing Existential Commitment
Existential therapists often encourage clients to embrace commitment despite uncertainty. Making a choice inherently means losing out on other possibilities—but rather than seeing this as loss, clients can be guided to see it as a meaning-creating act. Choosing one career path, one partner, or one city to live in does not mean closing off life’s richness—it means actively engaging with it.
3. Learning to Accept Imperfect Choices
A key existential insight is that no choice is ever perfect. Waiting for the perfect option often leads to inaction and regret. Counseling can help clients shift their focus from finding the objectively best choice to making peace with uncertainty and imperfection.
4. Confronting the Anxiety of Infinite Possibilities
Rather than avoiding anxiety, existential therapy encourages facing it directly. A therapist might help a client explore their deepest fears about committing to a choice—what do they think they will lose? What identity are they afraid of solidifying? What does avoiding choice actually accomplish?
Choosing Meaning Over Fear
In a world filled with endless opportunities, FOBO can feel like a small, everyday inconvenience—but at its core, it represents a deep existential challenge. The fear of choosing wrong is, in many ways, the fear of fully stepping into one’s own life.
The good news is that counselling can help clients reclaim agency in the face of overwhelming choice. By helping individuals clarify values, embrace commitment, and confront uncertainty, therapists provide the tools to turn FOBO from a source of anxiety into an opportunity for deeper meaning and self-definition.
So the next time you find yourself paralyzed in the cereal aisle, endlessly scrolling through Netflix, or hesitating on a major life decision, ask yourself: Is this about the choice itself—or is it about something deeper? The answer might be the key to breaking free.
