Why Letting Kids Get Upset is Essential: Insights from Parenting Counselling

Why Letting Kids Get Upset is Essential: Insights from Parenting Counselling

As a counsellor, I often come across thought-provoking articles that spark important conversations about mental health and wellbeing. That’s why I’ve decided to start a weekly blog, sharing insights from media pieces that resonate with me and adding my perspective as a professional. This week’s blog is inspired by an article from CNBC titled "How to Raise Happy Kids, Says Child Psychologist: Let Them Get Upset".

Now, let’s dive into a scenario many parents can relate to. Picture this: your child comes home from school in tears because they didn’t get picked for a team, or they’re frustrated because a class project didn’t turn out as they’d hoped. The instinct to comfort them and make everything better is immediate. But what if, instead of fixing the problem, you allowed them to fully experience and process their feelings? Letting children work through their emotions, even the tough ones, can help them grow into resilient, emotionally intelligent adults.

Here’s why allowing kids to get upset is an essential part of parenting, and how you can support your child through these challenging but crucial moments.

Emotions Are Learning Opportunities

Negative emotions, such as disappointment or anger, are often viewed as problems to solve or avoid. However, these feelings are a natural and important part of life. When children experience and work through these emotions, they learn invaluable skills that serve them well into adulthood.

• Identify their feelings: Imagine a child who can say, “I’m feeling frustrated because I didn’t do well on my test.” Recognizing and naming emotions like this is foundational for building emotional intelligence and fostering self-awareness.

• Develop coping strategies: Facing tough emotions helps children figure out what works for them—whether it’s taking deep breaths, stepping away to cool off, or talking through their feelings with someone they trust. These coping strategies become tools they can rely on throughout life.

• Build resilience: Every challenge overcome strengthens a child’s ability to adapt and persevere. Whether it’s learning to handle rejection or managing setbacks, these experiences teach them that struggles are not the end of the world but opportunities to grow stronger.

As parents, embracing the idea that negative emotions are opportunities for learning can shift your perspective. Instead of trying to solve or suppress these emotions, you can view them as valuable teaching moments.

The Danger of Overprotection

While it’s tempting to step in and shield children from discomfort, overprotection can unintentionally send harmful messages about how to deal with emotions. When children don’t have the chance to experience and process their feelings, the long-term effects can be detrimental:

• Emotional avoidance: Children who are constantly shielded from negative emotions may grow up believing that such feelings are bad or need to be avoided at all costs. This can result in difficulty addressing their emotions or recognizing them in others.

• Low frustration tolerance: Without practice managing disappointment, children may find it overwhelming to deal with even minor setbacks. They might lack the patience and persistence needed to navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs.

• Increased anxiety: Avoiding emotions doesn’t make them go away—in fact, it often exacerbates them. Children may develop heightened anxiety around situations where uncomfortable emotions are likely to surface, avoiding challenges rather than facing them.

Overprotection, while well-intentioned, can rob children of the chance to develop the skills they need to thrive independently. It’s not about abandoning support but about finding a balance where you’re there to guide, not to shield completely.

Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child’s Emotional Growth

Here are some actionable steps to help your child navigate their emotions in a healthy way:

1. Acknowledge their feelings: Let your child know it’s okay to feel upset. Phrases like, “I can see you’re feeling frustrated,” validate their emotions.

2. Stay calm and present: Avoid rushing to solve the problem. Instead, sit with them and offer comfort while they work through their feelings.

3. Encourage problem-solving: Ask open-ended questions like, “What do you think you could try next?” to empower your child to find solutions.

4. Model healthy emotional expression: Show your child how you manage your own frustrations or disappointments in constructive ways.

5. Seek support when needed: If navigating these situations feels overwhelming, consider reaching out for additional guidance.

How Parenting Counselling Can Help

Parenting is a journey filled with both rewarding and challenging moments. You don’t have to navigate it alone. Parenting counselling provides a supportive space to:

• Understand your child’s emotional needs.

• Learn tools to respond effectively to difficult behaviors.

• Build confidence in your parenting approach.

At Helps Counselling, we believe that every child deserves the chance to develop emotional resilience, and every parent deserves the tools and support to guide them. By allowing your children to feel and express all their emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—you’re setting the foundation for lifelong emotional health and strength.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re ready to explore how parenting counselling can help you and your child thrive, we’re here to support you. Contact Helps Counselling today to schedule a consultation and start building the tools for a happier, healthier family.